Conversation Etiquette

We’re all capable of the occasional social blunder. Of course, some of us seem more prone to it than others, but even the savviest of professionals aren’t impervious to such gaffes. No scenario is richer with these potential faux pas than the everyday conversation, in which you can say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and occasionally spit on others when trying to pronounce nouns with German etymology.

We’ve all had our moments with conversation etiquette mistakes.

Practice and self-awareness are excellent ways to ensure we master every first and lasting impression. Please keep in mind that the communication process is only complete once the receiver has understood the message of the sender.

‘The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.’ George Bernard Shaw

1 - Interrupting

This is the No. 1 conversation etiquette mistake, committed by everybody at one time or another. It’s unbearable for the one getting cut off, and it shows the interrupter truly has no

interest in hearing what the other party has to say. The easiest way to avoid it is simple: just listen. Many substitute the listening portion of a conversation with the “what should I say next?” portion. Once that thought is formulated, it blasts right out. Listen. Pretend as though the person talking has a 10% chance at producing a fairly cohesive point. Now imagine how disappointed you’ll be if you miss it. Protect yourself, let them finish, and then start pontificating.

2 - Monopolizing the conversation

Contrary to popular belief, it is not enjoyable to hear one person monopolize an entire one-sided conversation. You have to pass the Mic. Even if you have zero interest for what might be heard on the other side, if they’re completely incapable of producing a comment worth listening to, you have to pass the Mic. It is covered in Conversation 101, and revisited in the advanced classes as well. Don’t monopolize the conversation -- it’s one of the most common conversation etiquette mistakes. It’s a painful practice for all involved.

3 - Not introducing the participants

It’s a pretty rude move to let your companion sit idle in a conversation without the correct introduction. Although it’s many times remedied with an “Oh, I’m sorry, this is...” the repeated offense is inexcusable. If it is a friend who doesn’t get the introduction it’s extremely unfortunate. If is a client, don’t expect the sale.

4 - Looking over their shoulder

Nothing is more disrespectful then when your eyes drift off, over the shoulder of your speaking companion, as if looking for a better option. No matter who is approaching you, your eyes should remain focused. We know it’s tough to stay engaged throughout the whole conversation. Maybe you don’t have much of an interest in your coworker’s latest life challenges. Please show respect for everyone.

5 - Cursing

The occasional use of profanity is never acceptable in any situation. You may want to enhance a story or give an accurate description of an incident -- go ahead, but be aware of this conversation etiquette mistake. Swearing is always a mistake when it comes to conversation. Get a thesaurus; there are alternates.

6 - Talking from your seat

Time and time again you’ll be at a restaurant, and that friendly acquaintance will come by for the standard greeting. Often, like a lethargic king on his thrown, you’ll simply remain seated while the servant-like acquaintance asks about the family. It’s awkward, it’s rude and it can be easily avoided. Just get up. Stand from your seat, shake a hand, smile, and ask how their family is or how their job is going. Be professional, stand up.

7 - One-upmanship

It’s not only a conversation etiquette mistake; it’s an alienating trait to exercise. Even if you feel the urge to vocalize your greatness in comparison to others, you need to do your best to suppress this competitive edge. Conversation is not a competition. You don’t have to one-up the other person’s story, their good news, and their time to shine in the conversation spotlight. You will have your moment.

8 - Not knowing your audience

Know your audience. You can’t hide behind “I am who I am, no matter whom I’m talking to.” Certain people require a certain type of conversation. Know who you are speaking with and tailor your conversation appropriately.

9 - Checking your phone

Technology has become a distraction for many and, of course, the phone is the worst offender. It’s an extension of you; it’s your life; you couldn’t live without it. We know. But be aware of this conversation etiquette mistake. No matter how important the text, the e-mail or the latest news may be, checking your phone during a conversation is one of the most insulting gestures. In some countries, the “phone check” is punishable by death. Although in Western culture it may only be looked at as a conversational faux pas, it’s still an ill-advised move.

10 - Changing the topic to suit your own interests

Everyone has their own conversation topics of choice -- work, office gossip or early 20th century painters. There’s nothing wrong with having these topical preferences, just don’t force them onto others. Let the conversation progress naturally; contribute where relevant and on-topic. We know you’re dying to participate, but don’t try to make some forced transition from American politics to your favorite sport. We’re not interested.

Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.
Henry Ford

Ellen Reddick, is a consultant, writer, and former senior executive with more than 25 years of experience in the technology industry. She is the owner & managing partner of Impact Factory Utah

Ellen Reddick

801-581-0369

Ellen@impactfactoryutah.com